Between a wall and.....

Crazy way to live..... It’s almost certain that you are in the right track, according to the book that is. You haven’t got it 100% right yet but surely compared to “the rest” you got your ways set on the right track. But why is it that something is still amiss...why  isn't life patting you on the back on just how on track you've been. Why isn't there a bouquet of  flowery   happiness at the end of everyday .

It’s all too familiar to be afraid, not sure and angry.... The happy feeling is still strange. Truth be told, it’s safer to not be that excited, not to expect so much good to come your way. I think it’s the walls, the boundaries....they provide a safe zone, this is how far you can go, spells it out too well how you’re supposed to live your life, how it’s supposed to turn out. It’s better to know the outcome anyway and maybe it’s not allowed, it’s wrong to step out of  the boundary lines.

So who drew these lines ....who gave these rules that I live by. Deep down I have a feeling all this is self imposed.

But this is how I have always lived my life, I’d rather be warm and safe in these walls........doesn't matter if I am unsatisfied, it’s better to keep wondering what’s out there than walk out and feel that fear.

But is it really safe inside these walls...at the end of the day it takes alot for me stay inside these lines. Inside here still there’s fear and uncertainty ...alot of regret. What if’s and why not’s. I end up using too much energy just to stay in place, too much emotions not to expect much. It’s a crazy spot to be. 

Seriously, I’d rather just break loose and live free in the big world, that way I won’t be worried about how far I should go or if I can handle these much. I don’t want to live the life I am supposed to live ,I just simply want to live and enjoy my life. No walls, no corridors, no gates... just open air and opportunity, wild stretches and beautiful landscape. I want wonder and surprise. I want to give my all and yes receive it all.

Luv Ish